i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
