I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
