Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
