...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
