dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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