well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
