He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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