All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
