If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
