i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
