whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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