My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
