So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
