All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
