My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
