Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
