so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
