It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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