I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
