no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
