she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
