The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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