he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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