he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
