I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
