I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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