that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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