What did we do last night that was yellow?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
