You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
