I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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