he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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