I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
