What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
