A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
