Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
