Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I enjoy the company of your penis
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
