i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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