i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
