Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
