Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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