how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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