Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
