I think my vagina is haunted
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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