gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
