I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
