be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
