I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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