i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
