you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
