Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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