I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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