I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
