things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
