I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
