Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
