how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
