i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
