Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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