Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
