He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
