On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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