Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
