I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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