The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
